1. |
The past is a puzzle
00:14
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2. |
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The warmth under the sheets,
slowly and calmly your heart beats,
I hear you breathe, I feel your skin.
What a perfect moment to be in.
My starring wakes you up, drowsy,
you look at me, nearing, smiling,
eyes shut, breathtaking beauty is all I see.
With dawn and it's twilight,
thoughts drift to the night,
no eyes met, nothing said,
no fight, no argument,
love was all we had.
Placing your hand on my shoulder,
and gently, your head on my chest.
With all I can give, I embrace,
with your hug, you sigh at me.
You smothered me with kisses,
overwhelmed with more than I could bear,
in love, desperately urgent,
I wished to burst into tears.
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3. |
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Instrumental
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4. |
Painful memories
03:07
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Instrumental
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5. |
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I lay on my back, gaze at the stars,
reminescence my old ways and wars.
Dead eyes see no future but echoes and endings.
The map i've drawn in details I can't follow, it overflows me upon my fails.
Formed by past,
deformed now,
damned to be.
So I end up running in circles, infinite.
I may never escape and admit: this is it.
If everything falls apart, why can't I?
Old friend, blindfold me,
beauty, kiss me goodbye,
warden put me to sleep.
M irror, mirror on the wall, you're lying to us all.
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6. |
Numbed beyond pain
05:44
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We hurt myself, 'cause we can't feel.
Thoughts, music, alcohol, memories as well.
We are far beyond the point of care.
From where I can see – we never were.
A needle tied to a wooden strip, bare skin.
As the needle impacts, a sharp pain.
I know first hand it almost leaves no marks.
Healed within a week, slight bruises,
no scars and for better or worse no blood letting.
We feel numb, but some pain will make us remember.
The tool lies just aside as the forgetting begins.
Tomorrow I won't remember my reasons, I'll be someone else, you're the same. When alcohol and apathy make love, some day their child's last descendent will be a bullet.
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7. |
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This is your only live! Every scar you obtain will last as long as you do! Nothing you do can be undone! There is no savegame, no rewind, no second try! Only the sober reality! Your every mistake is part of you, haunting you! You can never escape! Nor undo! Every moment you waste, every chance you screw up is gone forever and nothing will make it worth it, nor bring it back, nor make it up to it! There is no paradise, no afterlife, no heaven, no hell! This is your only chance! Every loss may be forever! Help is not promised, but hope is given! Because hope means to keep on suffering for the Idea of a better future!
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8. |
Eye in eye with the End
05:22
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When the sun dies on streets dry unforgotten the morning rain.
With the sun and all candles gone how can you tell in shadows you dwell?
Before the upward fall, I stared at a wall,
took what I could get: staring at silhouettes.
We are a problem pretending to be a solution and regardless being burdened with devotion and the motion of emotion, all the good intensions we happen to malfunction.
If you deny me the chance to apolopgize I'll end this life as a sacrifice, to be forgiven and condone myself. To be condoned and forgive myself.
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9. |
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The mask is cracking and reveals the rotten flesh underneath.
I can feel the edge, grasp it, breathe out, breath in, hold it; In one move try to tear it down.
It hurts,
it fucking hurts,
it hurts so bad!
Yet still there, tangling from the chin.
Blood all over the chest and my hands,
feels like numbered days.
Put it back, rip it off or stay: will it matter anyway?
Time will tell, time will tell.
I can't bear myself,
I'd rather die,
I want to die, so let me die!
Je deteste moi!
Je veux mourir!
Je veux mourir!
Laisse-moi mourir!
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10. |
The soul and the body
03:47
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And as the sun rises I stand up and embrace a new day without me. I look at my dead body lying at my feet. I sigh and reminescence: this is what I leave behind. Physically. My mother, maybe father and sister as well. Old loves, enemies, unfinished things. All of this is left behind as well as my questions, insecurities, my mistakes. My pain. Is it more selfish of me to end myself or of you trying to make me dwell in m pain?
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11. |
Dum spiro spero
05:18
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In my head the many echoes of what I said.
Uncertain what is was or is.
The sun rises once more, I witness: the warmth, the ray, flinching void.
I'm still alive, contrary to my plans, it did not feel right, something I might miss.
I don't know what will be next time, but for now, I...
I'm returning home.
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12. |
Finally free
08:46
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What doesn't kill you won't make you stronger but leaves you crippled in your blood.
I'm done with running. I'm already gonna die tired.
Finally free, all weight parts.
Finally free, nothing that hurts.
Finally free, finally free.
With the last flame of my purgatory I was absolved of all my sins.
I consider myself forgiven.
Finally free, the end's all I see.
Finally free, could be destiny.
Finally free you'll all be of me.
I found enlightment. Therefore I go into the light.
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13. |
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Darkest Sorrow Bears Mortality Freiburg, Germany
I made this mostly for myself. If anyone enjoys it, too, you're welcome.
My 'Main Band': deoetmachinae.bandcamp.com
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